Hello, and welcome to Saving Fatherhood. If you are here because you are a Mom or Dad in a broken family, I am very sorry and very glad at the same time. I am sorry that you are suffering. I am sorry that your family is hurting. I have experienced some of the same things you are going thru, and my deepest desire is for you to experience the hope that I have experienced. You can, with patience and prayer see your family come back together under God’s care. Of course, that is why I am glad that you are here because God has a plan to bring restoration to you and your family. There is but one hope in this world and His name is Jesus Christ.
If you are not a Christian hold on. Please do not think the healing power of Jesus Christ is not for you. Let me tell you that Jesus Christ loves you and your entire family regardless of your religious background. Please read what God’s word says in John 3:16-17. It says, “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.”
Salvation points to our need for a savior because our personal sins are so great that we can not do anything of value to pay the debt created by our transgressions. If you are suffering because your family has experienced trauma it does not matter if you perceive the fault to be yours or your spouses. If you blame an external source or someone tells you to blame an external source the problem is not unique to you. The entire world is broken. While God created the world good, his word teaches us that everything in creation is broken and longs for the day that healing will take place.
Romans 8:22 says, “For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now.” Is it any wonder that we experienced pain and suffering if the entire world has been suffering with pains similar to those in childbirth?
Christians and non-Christians alike suffer thru various hardships in this world because of sin. If we say the world is groaning because of sin, you may think this is an existential problem only. We suffer because we sin. Even when we know what to do because God wrote that on our hearts we rebel because of our desires. The world would tell us to follow our desires and to dismiss anyone who gets in our way as a “toxic relationship” but God’s word says something radically different. In the book of James starting in Chapter 4 it says, “4 What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? 2 You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask.”
There are many important points in James 4:1-2. I want to highlight two here. First, our problems come from within. While there are many good desires, it is not the desire itself that causes our problems. Its how we go about seeking to fulfil those desires. Its our unwillingness to be patient or go without for the sake of others that we are warned against. When we are disappointed the world says we should go fight and quarrel to get what we want. Why? Because the world says you deserve it.
When two people seek the good of each other both can find joy and contentment. When those same two people suspect the other person does not seek their good, but their own good above their own neither person can be content. When we listen to the world, which tells us we deserve this or we deserve that we follow a path that leads away from God’s loving care for us.
Can you see that the wisdom of the world is flawed? Can you see that when God calls us to love our neighbor as ourselves or even to love our enemy it is that commandment that will bring us into the greatest joy! Did you know that God wants you to be joyful? Did you know he cares deeply about your broken family and he has a plan to restore you?
That brings us to the second point I want to highlight from James 4:1-2. The end of the verse says, “You do not have, because you do not ask”. I want to be very clear here. God is not your personal vending machine or a genie in a bottle that you can command or summon. Much better than that, He has deep love for you individually and for everyone in your family. When you ask him for good things as he defines good that will produce good for you and your family, he will not deny you. That being said, he does allow suffering. He gives us the ability to make bad choices. He allows us to create our own suffering. He is never the author of evil and while this is outside the scope of this article, we can thru bible study be convinced that he will use evil for good. Ultimately thru much suffering and pain God will make everything good. For more information about this read Genesis 50:20 where Joseph is speaking to his brothers who tried to kill him and instead sold him into slavery. If you think you have familial discord, read the story of Joseph, recognizing that God was at work the whole time.
Joseph hoped in God and trusted in his provision while he was enslaved and later when he was in prison. This was a long process for Joseph and if you are here because of divorce, estrangement, parental alienation, or any issue related to your broken family you may have a long road as well. But this is the path God has given you.
If you trust psychology to fix your family, you will be greatly disappointed. While I have deep respect for anyone willing to counsel people who are suffering the fact is psychology is not only generally wrong, but they are also destructive. Most people that go into psychotherapy never come out healed, only drugged up or worse. We examine the work of psychology here at Saving Fatherhood because they can add value in our pursuit for family healing. Psychology can be very good at observation, categorization, labeling, and we want to use their research to identify sin issues and brokenness. What psychology never even claims to do is cure anyone. They never have and they never will.
If you trust in lawyers and the family courts to fix your family, you will also be greatly disappointed. Too often we think the family court is designed to provide justice. The family court is a court of equity, meaning the only justice they seek is dividing your stuff up. That includes your children and your future. The Bill of Rights does not apply to family court. You cannot plead the fifth, you will incriminate yourself but not by their definition of incriminate. You can be sent to debtors’ prison even though that was banned by federal law in 1833 and reaffirmed by the Supreme Court in 1983. When you engage the family court you are inviting them into your family business. In “most” circumstances they will leave you alone until you ask them to intervene. You must stay out of family court at all costs.
So where is this hope we spoke of? What can you do when your spouse leaves and refuses to come back? What can you do when your child has been kept away from you? What can you do when your spouse no longer loves you?
Please notice I use the terms spouse because we’re not seeking Father’s rights on this website. We’re not seeking Mother’s rights either. We’re not seeking anything from the law, the courts or the psychological community. We engage with all those groups because they are engaging with the people we seek to care for. We are seeking our Heavenly Father’s right to have dominion over families. We say that at the beginning of every podcast, but what does it mean? It means that our creator designed families in a way that points to his perfection. It boasts of his amazing love for us, that he would give us such a good gift. When that gift is no longer a gift because it seems broken the solution is not to throw out the gift. The solution is to go to the creator of the gift and find out what we did wrong. Did we use our gifts wisely? Is there a better way? Yes, there is.
You do not need to figure this out on your own. God has designed a system to bring you thru your pain. It does not lean on psychology or the legal system. One of the ways that God uses evil for good is thru suffering. As we said earlier God is not the author of evil, but he will use our suffering to benefit others. God’s word says in 2nd Corinthians 1 verse 3, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” You don’t need a family therapist or expert who has gone thru the exact pain you have to be comforted. God has prepared all sorts of Godly people to point you towards his comfort. He uses all sorts of people who have suffered in many ways to help others heal. Saving Fatherhood knows about your suffering and wants to guide you to God’s comfort.
I’ve been blessed with comfort by many different people. God has used many Christians and non-Christian people to bring me comfort. Over time I have been able to use that comfort to bless others. If you need comfort Saving Fatherhood wants to help. We want to pair you with a person who can point you to God’s comfort. Please fill out the form below and someone will contact you to help.
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- JESUS CALLS US TO ALWAYS BE DISCIPLING AND ALWAYS BE DISCIPLED.
- MAYBE YOU CAN HELP US GROW MORE LIKE CHRIST?The Great Commission from Matthew 28
16 Now the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain to which Jesus had directed them. 17 And when they saw him they worshiped him, but some doubted. 18 And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”
The Holy Bible: English Standard Version. (2016). (Mt 28:16-20). Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles.