March 4th, 2021 – THE SAVING FATHERHOOD – WEEKLY HOPECAST
I want to personally invite each and every one of you to a ZOOM event this Friday March 5th at 7pm. FAN-PAC is New Jersey’s Family Advocate Network – A Political Action committee with a mission to advocate for reforms in the family court that protect the interests of children and families in the state of New Jersey. This Friday this online event will feature an attorney Steven M. Resnick, Esq. who among other areas of family law promotes his experience in the area of parental alienation?
- Submit questions ahead of time – here
- Live question and answer period
- Register in advance for zoom credentials
Breakfast with Bacon – airing on AM 1110 WKQA
SAVING FATHERHOOD WILL BE ON THIS SHOW ON MARCH 26TH
Radio Host of Breakfast with Bacon: The Relationship Doctor
Fridays from 11:00 until noon on AM1110 WKQA
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Clean Law Union Podcast –
A NEW PODCAST
HOST – JOE GORMLEY
I meet many alienated parents and victims of broken families and they all ask the same question. They say “How long, oh Lord”? But they leave out the Lord part. “How long, oh Lord” is a common question in the psalms and all over scripture –
Psalm 13:1, 79:5, 89:46, 94:3, 6:3, 35:17, and there are many more places in scripture lamenting the same desire for rescue from many things. I think the cry from broken families is best described in Psalm 94:3 which says
3 O LORD, how long shall the wicked, how long shall the wicked exult?
But who are the wicked? Who are we calling upon the Lord to crush on our behalf? Is it our ex-wife or husband? Is it the person we are still married to who is dragging us through the courts? Is it a judge, an attorney or a psychologist, that we blame for our problems? Is it a politician or a political party that deserves our wrath and by extension, God’s wrath? We may reason that if God were just he would promptly strike down our enemies because of their ongoing, unrepentant sin.
The problem with these theories is it ignores what Scripture teaches us about sin, God’s holiness, and how he handles evil. There is no doubt that the alienated parent’s cause is just. When the alienated parent cries out because their child has been taken from them either physically or emotionally it is not a cry that goes unheard by our creator. When scripture asks “How long, oh Lord”? the assumption is never that God doesn’t hear these cries, nor is he ambivalent. The question is when will this sin be punished? When will justice prevail?
Do you believe this is true? Do you believe that God is just and he has a plan to destroy evil? Or do you still wonder if this is true? Do you doubt God’s love or his control of the situation? These are the two most important things, and they are often the biggest reasons for doubt. God loves you and he’s in complete control. Don’t worry, he’s got this.
But if he’s in control, capable, completely sovereign over all creation, you may ask then, why? Why doesn’t he crush all that is evil right now? Why does he wait?
Because of the second premise. He loves you. And you are evil.
Christians know this is true, King David who wrote most of the psalms knew this was true. He had no doubt that he was guilty of evil acts, but God loved his repentant heart. He cherished this man who struggled with his sin and called out for forgiveness. God does not crush all evil because he is waiting on those who would repent. His love is patient, and his love is in his timing not ours. He promises that all sin will be justly punished in one of two places in time. Our job is not to tell God how to execute justice but to repent of our own sin and lead others to do the same.
As an alienated parent, or a person that has been completely kept from seeing their children you may say, that is not good enough. I need justice now. King David desired Justice as well but he recognized that as a murderer, adulterer and liar he was full of evil and his first calling was to repent of sins and beg forgiveness.
In most conflicts there is always sin committed by both parties. Isn’t this why children will try to defend their sinful actions by saying, “but he started it?” Even your small child recognizes that they have done evil, they must defend their actions because they participated in wickedness.”
The scriptures teach that God is holy, meaning set apart from all sin and wickedness and he can’t be in the presence of such sinfulness. Being sovereign, meaning in control of all things he will not tolerate being in the presence of such sin and this is the essence of our problem. We were designed to be in God’s presence, and we will always be lacking until we are in his presence again. But in an unrepentant state he would have to crush us.
I’m writing this to call you to repentance. This means honestly looking at your conflicts and seeing your own sin in the matter. Do not act like a child and pretend that there is only one sinner in your conflicts. Own what you can own and recognize that in God’s courts it’s not the deceiver that prevails. Humility wins in the eyes of God. Let King David be your example. If you think this is foolishness dig deep into the Psalms and find wisdom. What is wisdom? Proverbs 1:20-22 says,
20 Wisdom cries aloud in the street,
in the markets she raises her voice;
21 at the head of the noisy streets she cries out;
at the entrance of the city gates she speaks:
22 “How long, O simple ones, will you love being simple?
How long will scoffers delight in their scoffing
and fools hate knowledge?
In these verses the question of “how long” returns to us from God. How long will we reject God’s wisdom? How long will we reject his guidance and direction? If we recognize our own sinfulness we then see that God’s holding back on judgement is a blessing for those who have yet to repent. He knows who will repent and turn from wickedness and he calls us who have repented to shout out his mercies and praise him for them.
God makes a great promise in verse 23
23 If you turn at my reproof,
behold, I will pour out my spirit to you;
I will make my words known to you.
If we repent of our sins and follow God’s instructions, we can expect great blessings. We are promised the Holy Spirit. This is no small promise. This is the fulfillment of our deepest desires in life. The Holy Spirit gives us purpose and the power to fulfill that purpose. We have no power on our own, only that which God gives us. When Christians say they have faith, they do not mean faith in themselves or faith that things will go the way they want but faith in the promises of God. Here we see the promise of the Holy Spirit and if we receive it, we will be blessed but if we don’t we will receive what God says in verse 24 and beyond.
24 Because I have called and you refused to listen,
have stretched out my hand and no one has heeded,
25 because you have ignored all my counsel
and would have none of my reproof,
26 I also will laugh at your calamity;
I will mock when terror strikes you,
27 when terror strikes you like a storm
and your calamity comes like a whirlwind,
when distress and anguish come upon you.
28 Then they will call upon me, but I will not answer;
they will seek me diligently but will not find me.
I beg you all to repent and follow Jesus. He is not ambivalent to sin. He cares about your suffering and he desires to fill you with everything you need.
So, what will Jesus tell you to do in this moment of your life when you are struggling with a pending or past divorce, parental alienation, or something else that is keeping you from your children? What should you do if your support checks are greater than you pay checks? What do you do if your spouse has abandoned you or if you abandoned your spouse? The answer to these and many more questions are in the bible. There is no quick fix or right answer for every situation except that we all need forgiveness and repentance. God’s word does provide answers.
When you see your need for forgiveness because of the sin you engaged in you will be ready to forgive the sins of others. Psalm 51 is the prayer King David prayed after he was shown the depth of his sin by a brother seeking to give him nouthetic counsel.
1 Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your steadfast love;
according to your abundant mercy
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,
and cleanse me from my sin!
3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is ever before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you may be justified in your words
and blameless in your judgment.
5 Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
and in sin did my mother conceive me.
6 Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being,
and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.
7 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones that you have broken rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins,
and blot out all my iniquities.
10 Create in me a clean heart, O God,
and renew a right spirit within me.
11 Cast me not away from your presence,
and take not your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and uphold me with a willing spirit.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will return to you.
14 Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God,
O God of my salvation,
and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness.
15 O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it;
you will not be pleased with a burnt offering.
17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
18 Do good to Zion in your good pleasure;
build up the walls of Jerusalem;
19 then will you delight in right sacrifices,
in burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.
The Holy Bible: English Standard Version. (2016). (Ps 51:1–19). Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles.