SHOW NOTES AND LINKS –
Disclaimer – Show notes are not exact quotes and should not be reproduced as such. They are paraphrased sections of the show, links to resources mentioned and helpful quotes.
Our guest for Episode 2 is Internationally known artist, writer, former nurse, Toastmasters-trained speaker, corporate training manager, life coach, Christian leader, and alienated mom, Monica Giglio is the founder on nonprofit Speak Worldwide, nonprofit foundation.
|Q. As a parental alienation survival coach I would really like for you to define parental alienation or pathogenic parenting for the audience assuming I know nothing about this.
A. PA is a slang term for a severe form of psychological abuse by an unhealthy parent that makes a child reject, hate, and fear a good, loving, emotionally available parent and entire side of the family.
| Q. How common is PA? Why don’t we hear more about it?
A. Family court attorneys tell me that it’s present in varying degrees in most divorces with children. Parents are mostly adversarial in midst of divorce and some parents cannot stop themselves from triangulated the children into the adult conflict, coercing and demanding them to choose a side, while the other parent is saying things like “it’s ok mommy and daddy are still a team and we both love you and want all good things for you”. But triangulating a child into the adult conflict is not simply “badmouthing another parent” as many flippantly will say, it’s often one of the first acts of psychological child abuse. Often it was already present in the marriage as it does occur in intact families. We most often see it expressed as a custody battle. Experts like Dr. Childress will tell you ITS NOT ABOUT CUSTODY. It’s about abusing a child to hate another parent and entire side of family and toss them aside like trash, as the sick parent has done. I say sick parent because normal parents don’t do this to a child.
Triangulating a child into parental conflict is abusive and leads to enmeshment, both are unhealthy and dangerous forms of boundary violation and are done without conscience. The child is drawn into a cross generational coalition against you; and are examples adultifying a child to validate their adult battle instead of being a parent who validate the needs and wants of the child.
So. It’s very, very common in most divorces due to anything from immaturity and hurt feelings of parents that they eventually get over, to sever pathology where the parent just cannot stop themselves from making the child hate the other entire side of family and forcing them to love only them. The cases that escalate to this level of severity do not have a good prognosis.
You also asked why we don’t hear more? Because of the severity of this abuse people don’t like to hear about it. Their natural defense mechanism is to re-butt or rebuke a heartbroken parent and scold them that they either did something to contribute to it; or they could end it by sending their child more cards and letters of love. This is s defense mechanism to assimilate something so eerily unnatural they cannot stand hearing it and realizing it could happen to anyone including them.
|Q. PA is one of the biggest issues in the family court reform movement. Where do you see positive change coming and where do you think more work needs to be done.
A. Change cones thru education and standardization in mental health diagnosis and treatment recommendations. I don’t know if it’s possible to stop a sick parent from attempting to abuse their child’s mind, but I believe education can help therapists, lawyers, judges, and everyone who works with children and families to recognize how serious this is and can lead to early intervention of separating the child from a parent who induces them toward hated and skeptics may of their parent.
|Q. So we were both at the Dallas Symposium for Parental Alienation a few weeks ago. What impacted you the most from that event?
A. I was impressed with Dr. Childress’ efforts to standardize the diagnosis and treatment among all family psychotherapy experts across the country and everywhere in the world. I was impacted by the passion with which he set an expectation going forward that everyone in family therapy, especially those who are court appointed to work with children and families must recognize how severe the problem Is and the need for immediate intervention and rescue!
Another related impact is that Although we still use the words parental Alienation, we must use them as a slang term for this very real abuse that really IS IN THE DSM 5 That’s an important paradigm shift.
|Q. How would I know if my child is being alienated from me? What are the signs?
A. Sometimes it’s evident is access blocking, when the other parent blocks your child from the chance to love and be loved by you and your family. But as I said before, it’s not only about custody.,
When you’re normal healthy loving bond with your child suddenly changes to one where you are viewed as a threat to them without any justification and you begin to hear false allegations of abuse, you know it.
There are three diagnostic indicators seen in all children who are caught in this abuse and they will worsen with time if there is no intervention:
Suppression of attachment
Personality disorder traits w fear anxiety, and
|Q. Why do courts have a tendency to push back against parental alienation.
A. Because 1 the courts, lawyers, GALs, minors counsel, etc. have not been educated as to what it is. 2. people often misuse the term, cross-accusing one another of it and sending judges and lawyers heads spinning and 3. others say it’s not real because it’s not in the diagnostic manual meaning there is no real diagnosis of it. 4 and most importantly the mental health community Is still learning the new paradigm of looking at evidence-based symptoms in the child matching it up to existing diagnosis in the DSM, and therefore are not diagnosing child psychological abuse and recommending protective separation while the abuse parent gets help.
|Q. What does SPEAKW do? (Let me know if you want this question earlier – but I think people need to know what alienation is first)
A. Speak Worldwide is an educational foundation with 3 co-equal branches, one is dedicating to spreading the truth of this abuse. We have presentations for schools, lawyers, court workers, anyone who works with kids and families. The second mission is compassion and compassionate education for parents who once felt so alone. We have s FB support group where we share our YouTube videos and give helpful tips and resources. We offer coaching for a fee via www.speak.com, and we have a volunteer with degree in professional counseling who will meet in person free of charge. 3 Integrative Spiritual Arts where we do select Sunday Services with Preach and Paint, or peons, songs, prayers like Mother’s Day.
|Q. Where is the Gospel in your organizations mission?
A. I could speak for hours on the topic, but to keep it short, the good news is that a real action ship with the Living Christ who sent the Holy Spirit to comfort us in affliction and who said “blessed are the poor in spirit” is the only thing that keeps you from despair in this very lonely dark place. He knows the pain of rejection by his own children. “He can’t to his own and his own did not recover him (John) he was betrayed; he was falsely accused. He gets you. He gets your pain. if you let him, he will keep you from getting stuck In Anger and unforgiveness and lead you to life of purpose and joy, despite the bad days- and we all have them.
|Q. Where have you seen God’s hand at work?
A. I see it in the lives of people who thank me. I get a lot of great feedback with the compassionate work I’m doing. When people say they are receiving healing thru my work or that I am an angel, I know it’s Gods hand at work and I am a only a mere vessel of his love to the broken-hearted.
|Q. How important is it to forgive your ex-spouse in co-parenting? When does that come into play and is that an opportunity for the Gospel?
A. Forgiveness is a way of living in all areas of life that frees you from anger. It is not something u do for the ex, it’s something u do to lighten your load in life because forgiveness is heavy and it drags you down and wears u down in everything u do. With the ongoing traumatic stress of PA, you need to forgive 70x 7 (Matthew) and to the 70th power and beyond. Every single day your children suffer this abuse is another day to forgive!
|Q. How can listeners support the nonprofit? Buy books art and old fashioned donations. Corporate gold sponsors get advertising with copy of their splash page and clickable link to their business in the Gold Donors Section of our website www.speak.com got to the shopping and donations tab.|